NO ONE WANT’S TO SEE THAT

Anyone who has fluctuated weight throughout their life has three piles of clothes. There is the “skinny” pile, which by all accounts would not fit a skinny person. It’s YOUR version of skinny. For instance, If your waist is usually a 40, a 38 waist would be your skinny jeans. The second pile of clothes is your regular clothes, using the same example, a pair of 40 waist jeans are what you might consider as being normal. Again, you’re still overweight, but this is the way the mind of an overweight person works. The third pile of clothes is your fat pile. In this case, it would be size 42 waist jeans. All three are fundamentally fat clothes, but if you feel skinny with a 38-inch waist, who am I to impede on your happiness.

The key to having three piles of clothes is to look as good as possible at whatever weight you may currently be. Don’t dress with the future in mind. Your XL shirt does not fit! It most likely will not fit in three weeks or even three months. Dress for today. The look you want to go for is what I would call “peak hotness.” How can you look your best at your current weight? Dress for your shape. You want to get as close to form-fitting clothing as you can without looking like you’re the garbage bag at a bachelors studio apartment. You don’t want your stomach fat overflowing. Another mistake is wearing clothing that is too big. If you’re wearing a tent, you’ll look like a tent.

Over the years I’ve noticed a particular type of shirt that almost never looks good unless your name is Dwayne ”The Rock” Johnson. I usually refer to this type of shirt as a ”breast shirt.” I blame the Under Armour brand for this type of shirt hitting the mainstream, but before the market flooded with these sausage casing shirts, the usual culprits were guys wearing those weird silk dress t-shirts.

This breast and gut-gripping fabric is the absolute worst look unless your physique is that of a UFC fighter in the welterweight division. In fact, if you wore the same size shirt in cotton, you would look much better. I have noticed over the years that overweight people who lose weight move too quickly into the breast and gut hugging fabric. If you’re 400 pounds and lose 100 pounds, you’re still too big to dress like Mark Wahlberg.

It is so hard to lose that weight. I know that you feel great and want to show off your hard work. All I’m saying is; show off that new body in a cotton shirt that fits. No one will tell you how ridiculous you look in that B & G (breast and gut) shirt. Unless you have great friends that will call you out, you need to self-assess yourself. And for the love of God, stop tucking in your t-shirts. Especially if you’re in a B & G shirt, do not tuck this in.

For some reason, the guys with the B & G shirts usually take their look to the third level of repulsiveness by wearing a cell phone clip on their belt. Do not draw attention to your faults. If I had jacked up teeth, I wouldn’t grow a goatee. It’s like taking a black sharpie marker and circling your imperfections. The tucked in skin-tight shirt, and the phone jammed into the scene of the crime averts my eyes right to your gut. You would be better off wearing a belly shirt and letting it all out there. Your go-to look should be form fitting solid colors, preferably black. The better you look, the better you feel. You can’t change your life today, but it’s a good day to start.

 

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